No More Sadness: My 7-Day Transformation in Cusco, Peru
I never expected to return from Cusco, Peru, feeling this light, this whole, this free.
But here I am.
For years, I carried unseen burdens — pain from childhood, deep-seated wounds, and patterns that shaped my personal and professional life. I thought I had moved past them, but trauma has a way of staying tucked away, hidden beneath success and responsibility.
Like many high-functioning individuals, I learned to pretend everything was okay, even when it wasn’t. Over time, I realized that healing is not about just coping — it’s about actively working through pain with mindfulness, self-compassion, self-care, and self-love.
So when the opportunity arose to embark on a women’s veterans healing retreat, I took it. And everything changed.
Cusco wasn’t just another destination. It became a portal to healing, transformation, and renewal.
A 7-Day Immersion: Healing, Learning & Breaking Cycles
I, along with a couple of other female veterans, embarked on a seven-day journey of deep healing and transformation. Each day, we peeled back layers of past wounds, rewrote internal narratives, and reclaimed our strength through science, spirituality, and self-discovery.
Walking Through History: The 16 Places That Shaped My Healing
As we arrived in Cusco, I could already feel something shifting.
The altitude made me breathless.
The energy of the land was heavy, yet inviting.
The ancient wisdom in the air felt undeniable.
Healing already felt inevitable.
We began by setting intentions:
- What did we need to release?
- What did we hope to uncover?
- Who were we ready to become?
From the very beginning, we were encouraged to surrender to the process with open hearts and open minds.
Cusco is more than a city — it’s a living testament to endurance, legacy, and resilience. Each site we visited carried an energy of strength, survival, and history that resonated deeply with my personal healing.
Sacsayhuamán: The Fortress of Strength
Our first stop was Sacsayhuamán, a massive stone fortress overlooking Cusco. The sheer size of the stones, the precision of their placement, and the enduring strength of the walls amazed me.
What I realized: Strength isn’t about resisting change — it’s about adapting and standing firm, no matter the challenges.
Moray: The Ancient Wisdom of Growth
Visiting Moray, with its deep circular terraces, felt like walking into an ancient laboratory of transformation. The Incas used these terraces to experiment with crops, adapting plants to thrive in new conditions.
What I realized: Healing is like Moray — we must allow ourselves to be planted, nurtured, and given the space to grow.
Tambomachay, PeruTambomachay: The Waters of Purification
The flowing water of Tambomachay felt like a baptism — washing away the weight of the past, making space for renewal.
What I realized: Just as these waters have flowed for centuries, our healing is a continuous process, not a single moment.
Ollantaytambo: The City That Stood Its Ground
Walking through Ollantaytambo, I was struck by how the Incas designed this city to withstand invasion. It was one of the last strongholds against the Spanish.
What I realized: Resilience means knowing when to stand your ground, when to adapt, and when to rebuild.
Pisac: The View from Above
The terraces of Pisac stretched into the mountains, reminding me that perspective changes everything.
What I realized: Healing doesn’t mean the past disappears — it means we view it differently, with wisdom and understanding.
These are just a few of the 16 places that shaped my transformation. Every step through Cusco, every stone path, every valley, and every ancient structure reminded me:
- We are meant to heal.
- We are meant to evolve.
- We are meant to rise from our past and walk forward with strength.
Machu Picchu: The Symbol of Strength & Legacy
Among the many places we explored, Machu Picchu was the most breathtaking of all.
I had always dreamed of seeing it, but I never realized how much I needed to experience it.
Standing in the ruins of this ancient city, I felt a connection to something greater than myself.
The Inca civilization built this masterpiece in a place where most believed survival was impossible, let alone thriving.
Yet, they engineered a city in the clouds — against all odds.
As I walked through the stone pathways, I realized:
- I, too, have survived against all odds.
- I, too, have built something strong from broken pieces.
- I, too, am standing tall, unshaken, and powerful.
Machu Picchu is more than a wonder of the world — it is a lesson in resilience.
The hike to the Sun Gate was grueling, but reaching the top, overlooking the city, I felt more than just peace.
I felt accomplished.
I had done something I never thought I would — I had hiked Machu Picchu!
And in that moment, I thought about my father in his younger years growing up in .
I thought about my mother walking through the dusty streets of the Philippines.
I thought about how far we have all come.
My Father’s Legacy: A Life Lived Through History
My father was born in 1939 in Illinois, at a time when the world was still reeling from the Great Depression and on the brink of World War II.
By the time he was a young man, he had already witnessed:
- The end of World War II and the shift to America’s post-war “Golden Age.”
- The rise of economic prosperity and suburbanization in the 1950s.
- The Civil Rights Movement of the 1960s, fighting for racial justice and equality.
- The Vietnam War protests and the political turbulence that defined a generation.
And while so many were protesting the war, my father answered the call to serve.
He joined what was then the Army Air Corps — the predecessor to the U.S. Air Force — and committed 20 years of his life to military service, completing two combat tours in Vietnam.
He saw things most of us today cannot imagine.
He lived through times of radical change, uncertainty, and conflict — and still, he persevered.
He retired in 1977, just before my twin sister and I were born.
The life I have today, the opportunities I’ve had, and the freedom I cherish are in part because of the sacrifices he made.
Breaking Generational Cycles & Trauma Awareness
One of the most powerful aspects of this retreat was its scientific and psychological approach to healing.
We explored epigenetics — how trauma is stored in our DNA and passed through generations.
As I delved deeper, I understood that some of the burdens I carried weren’t even mine.
My mother grew up in the Philippines — a country where poverty was not just an individual struggle, but a national reality. Life was hard, and survival was uncertain. The weight of hardship was woven into the fabric of her daily life.
For so long, I carried a weight I couldn’t fully explain.
But in Cusco, I finally understood.
Some of that weight wasn’t just my own. It was the silent battles my parents fought.
It was the unspoken struggles of my ancestors.
It was the pain of generations before me, woven into my DNA.
That’s why my healing isn’t just for me.
- It’s for my mother, who grew up in the Philippines, in a country where survival was a daily challenge.
- It’s for my father, who endured war, loss, and the weight of history on his shoulders.
- It’s for my ancestors, who lived through eras of struggle, migration, war, and change.
- It’s for the generations after me, who deserve to inherit peace, not pain.
As I stood there at the Sun Gate, overlooking Machu Picchu, I felt so accomplished — so happy and free!
No more sadness. No more burdens that are not mine to carry. No more being bound by the past.
And with that, I let it all go.
I walk forward, lighter, free, and healed.
Realization: Healing myself means I break the cycle for future generations.
I owe it to them to live in peace.
I owe it to them to heal.
I owe it to them to thrive.
Ayahuasca: A Sacred Ceremony, Not a High
When people hear about Ayahuasca, many immediately associate it with hallucinogenic trips, New Age spirituality, and “getting high.” But let me be clear:
Ayahuasca is NOT for entertainment.
Ayahuasca is NOT a recreational drug.
Ayahuasca is sacred, powerful, and deeply transformative.
This ancient plant medicine has been used for centuries by indigenous healers in the Amazon, not as a means of escape, but as a path to healing, clarity, and spiritual awakening. It is vital to honor its indigenous roots, traditional use, and deep spiritual significance.
Unfortunately, many Westerners and New Age groups approach Ayahuasca with misguided intentions.
During our retreat, we encountered a group of New Agers who had just come from an educational retreat learning about frog secretion and its supposed healing properties. To be frank, I believed it to be hoopla or nonsense.
Their energy was completely different — excited about experimenting with plant medicine, as if it were just another way to alter their state of mind. That is NOT what Ayahuasca is for.
Approaching the Ceremony With Respect
I entered the Ayahuasca ceremony with reverence, humility, and an open heart.
It is a sacred, profound, and often difficult experience — one that should only be approached with respect, proper guidance, and a willingness to surrender to the process.
I share this because I want people to understand:
- This is not a New Age game.
- This is ancient medicine.
For me, this experience was deep, raw, and life-changing. It was not just about seeing visions — it was about releasing pain, healing the past, and stepping into the future as a whole, restored person.
Ayahuasca is not for everyone.
But for those who feel called to it, and approach it with the right intentions, it can be one of the most powerful healing experiences of a lifetime.
I was there to heal.
I was there to release.
I was there to connect with something greater than myself.
This was not about chasing visions. It was about receiving what I needed, not necessarily what I wanted.
This was the night that transformed me.
Ayahuasca took me places within myself I had never dared to explore.
At the height of my journey, I heard the words:
“No more sadness.”
The Maestro and I connected, and he spoke these words to me, but it was more than just a phrase — it was a release, a declaration, a permission slip for healing.
I felt it immediately — like a weight lifting, a wound closing, a part of me waking up.
For so long, the little girl inside me had carried the pain of my parents’ split, my mother’s betrayal, and the instability that followed.
I saw her — the little girl who had been trapped in sadness.
My mantra throughout the night was:
“I love you. You are amazing. You are strong. You are resilient. You are a warrior. You can handle anything.”
I said to the little girl inside of me: “I love you. Be happy. Be free.”
And so she was.
The sadness I had unknowingly carried for decades left my body that night.
I understood something profound:
- Healing is not about forgetting — it’s about releasing.
- The past does not have to define the future.
- I am no longer bound by childhood wounds.
Ayahuasca didn’t give me a high — it gave me my life back.
Returning to Chaos: Holding Onto My Healing
Then — I came back to reality as soon as I got back to the U.S.
Workplace uncertainty, federal shenanigans, job layoffs, and last-minute government travel cancellations hit hard. The stress could have easily pulled me back into old patterns of frustration, overworking, and burnout.
But this time, I chose differently. I choose to embrace uncertainty with faith and not let stress take over my life. I choose to look at things with a lighter side with humor and understanding that I may not be able to control what is happening, but I can control how I react. I react with grace, anchored in peace, remembering The Serenity Prayer:
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”
I am still navigating a hectic, uncertain workplace, but I am doing it with a renewed sense of self, balance, and emotional strength.
My journey in Cusco was not just about healing — it was about honoring where I come from, stepping fully into who I am, and breaking the cycle for those who come after me. The weight of past generations no longer rests on my shoulders. I have released it. I have embraced my own power. And I walk forward — not just as a veteran, not just as a leader, but as a healed, whole, and empowered woman.
Lessons in Healing & Leadership
This experience wasn’t just personal — it was professional, too. It reminded me that:
Healing is a Leadership Skill — The best leaders operate from self-awareness, emotional intelligence, and clarity. When we heal, we show up with confidence instead of reaction.
Resilience is More Than Just Surviving — True resilience isn’t about pushing through pain — it’s about releasing what no longer serves us and learning how to move forward without carrying unnecessary burdens.
Self-Love is the Ultimate Strength — The way we speak to ourselves matters. The mantra I repeated under Ayahuasca — “Marilyn, I love you. You are amazing. You are strong.” — is one I will continue saying every day.
Boundaries Keep Us Grounded — Healing doesn’t mean life gets easier, but it does mean we learn how to navigate challenges without self-sacrificing.
How You Can Begin Your Healing Journey
If you’ve been feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or carrying burdens that aren’t yours, here are a few ways to start your own healing process:
Books for Healing & Growth
- The Body Keeps the Score — Bessel van der Kolk (Understanding trauma’s impact on the body)
- Radical Acceptance — Tara Brach (How to release past pain and step into self-love)
- Atomic Habits — James Clear (Creating small changes for lasting transformation)
Podcasts for Personal & Professional Growth
- Unlocking Us — Brené Brown (Conversations on vulnerability & leadership)
- On Purpose — Jay Shetty (Wisdom on personal growth & mindfulness)
- The Trauma Therapist Podcast — Guy Macpherson (Insights on healing & resilience)
Transformative Retreats & Travel
- The Warrior ’25 Retreat — https://creativeneuroconcepts.com/warrior-retreat (Where I found healing!)
- Sacred Valley Retreats, Peru — Various programs for meditation, healing, and self-discovery
- Vipassana Meditation Retreats — Silent meditation retreats for deep healing
Daily Healing Practices
- Journaling — Writing down thoughts, emotions, and breakthroughs.
- Breathwork & Meditation — Helping calm the nervous system.
- Therapy & Coaching — Seeking professional guidance for deeper transformation.
- Surrounding Yourself with Growth-Minded People — Healing happens in community.
Healing is a journey, not a destination. It’s a process that can be long and arduous, often requiring time, patience, and self-compassion.
Comments
Post a Comment